One thing I have learned from turning 44 in 2024.
We don’t always look back at how far we’ve come. What we’ve learned. And the lessons we’ve picked up along the way.
I’ve seen alot of posts like this, documenting what people have learned. Also a few blog articles too. I’ve put the links to some of my favourites at the end of the article (A lot are from Kevin Kelly’s blog and Derek Sivers).
I wasn’t sure of two things.
If I had 44 things I could list them out.
Also, if my list is something that people would like to read. But, I was wrong on both accounts.
Here’s my list of thoughts, ideas, quotes and lessons I’ve learned. What I’ve picked from my 44 years’ worth of life experience.
44 Ideas, Thoughts, And Lessons
1) No one is coming to save you
I’ve put this first, for me, it’s the most important.
Also, it’s been one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned.
I turned 40 in 2020, during the COVID lockdowns. And I was going through a tough time. In my professional life and in my personal life.
After consuming all sorts of content during that time. I realised that no one was coming to save me. Not the government, not the business I work for, no one.
I’m lucky that I can call on and turn to my close family if I ever need to.
That said, it’s still all on you.
It’s crushing and freeing at the same time.
2) Progress over perfection
I come from a software background. And the process of making it better is an iterative one.
But we forget that 99% of life is like that too.
That you can’t run a marathon after a week of training.
Take this blog post for example. I could spend lots of time to make it “perfect”. If I did it would never get published. It would then turn into 45 lessons, then 46.
Perfectionism means it would never get published.
3) 20% of actions lead to 80% of the results
I learned about the 80/20 principle from Tim Ferriss. Also, read the book “The 80/20 Principle” off the back of this.
This is known as the Pareto principle.
And it’s crazy how much this impacts almost everything.
The great thing about this principle. Is that you can focus on a few things to get the results you want.
The difficult bit is working out what the 20% is that you need to focus on to get the 80% upside.
4) 4% of actions lead to 64% of the results
The 80/20 principle on steroids.
Again. I saw this in a book.
You can apply the 80/20 principle to itself. 80% of 80% is 64%. And 20% of 20% is 4%
Meaning that 4% of your efforts can lead to 64% of results.
Crazy!
5) There’s no such thing as a quick fix
Hacks, and shortcuts, seldom exist.
Let’s say you launch a new business and it takes off.
It will be because you’ve put in the reps, with one or two skills that have helped towards that success.
And it relates to almost anything.
Want to lose weight? Fix your diet and exercise, for months.
For me, I’ve had some bad back and shoulder injuries in the last 15 years or so. And I’ve spent years “fixing” them. Working hard to prevent me getting injured in the same way again.
6) “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right”
This is a quote from Henry Ford.
I won’t go into his life story. But one of the things I like about Henry Ford, is that when people told him something was impossible? And he believed it wasn’t. He stuck to his guns and ended up being right.
Here’s a story about Henry Ford and the goal to build a V8 engine
7) Mindset is everything
This ties into #6.
Most of the “battles” we have are in our heads.
We must achieve a thing in our mind before it can appear in the world.
8) Talk to yourself like your own best friend
This is something I’ve started focusing on since 2022.
When something doesn’t go to plan. The way you hoped.
You beat yourself up. Talk to yourself like your a piece of shit. Find as many ways as you can to put yourself down. There’s no advice, review, reflection, self-support. It’s all negative, and brutal.
If we spoke to our closest friends, like we do ourselves, during their times of need.
Well, we wouldn’t have any close friends left.
So, stop doing it to yourself
9) “The results you want are in the actions you haven’t taken”
I’ve heard this quote a lot from Chris Williamson and it came from Alex Hormizi.
And I love it.
Why am I not jacked? Have you put in the effort at the gym?
Why am I not a millionnaire? Have you attempted to sell 100,000 products?
10) Mobility is key
In health, work and life in general.
I neglected my mobility from a physical point of view in my 20s and I’m now paying the price.
Same in my work life
I’ve spent too much of my life tied to one job and relying on it.
11) Autonomy above all else
A lot of jobs. In the tech world more so, say we are giving developers autonomy.
But it’s fake autonomy, to make it look like you’ve some control, but you haven’t
True autonomy, is living life on your terms as much as possible.
That’s the ultimate goal, the truest form of success.
Difficult to get to but it’s not impossible
12) Become t-shaped
I used to think because I’m technical, a coder. That I had to stay in my lane.
Focus on my tech skills.
For example, my early side hustles. I would partner with people and stay away from marketing and sales. Because it wasn’t my natural aptitude. So I shouldn’t focus on it.
But you need to skill stack.
A top 50% coder who is also in the top 50% of marketers, jumps into the top 10, as if by magic. Wild!
13) Never say “That’s not me, I’ll never be good at/able to learn ‘X’
This ties in with #6 and #12
I used to tell myself I wasn’t a writer or would never become good at copywriting.
But I wanted to start blogging. And create landing pages to promote my products and services.
So, I stopped telling myself that I wasn’t X or couldn’t learn Y.
It’s difficult to learn things that don’t come naturally to us.
But you can still learn them. And get better at them. It will take a lot more effort than other things.
14) “Be realistically optimistic”
I’ve stolen this from Naval, he talks about this in his book The Almanack of Naval.
I’ve always said I was a realist. But I would look at the negative side of things. And it’s something you have to do as a developer. Think about what could go wrong when building a piece of software.
But 80% of the time, you need to be optimistic that something will work.
Again, this ties in with #6
15) Trust your gut
Another harsh lesson that took me till I was past 40 years old to learn.
I’m logical by nature. So, even though my gut screams at me not to do something. I then overthink that thing and go against my gut.
And I can’t think of a time when my gut was wrong. But my overthinking was.
Trust your gut more.
16) Fail all the time. Past failures = future successes
The school system punishes you for failing.
A lot of successful people talk about the fact they’ve learned more from things going wrong, than if that thing went right.
The lesson? Failing is forward momentum.
I’ve written a blog about failure here: Genuine Failures Aren’t What You Think. They’re Hidden Gold
17) Waiting for the right time kills all aspirations, goals and dreams
“Manyana”.
“I’ll wait till we have money.”
“We need a bigger house to start a family.”
“I can’t start that business, I’ve not got the experience and authority”
There’s never the right time to start. The only thing that matters is starting.
18) Simplicity over complexity
“Simplicity is the last step of art” – Bruce Lee
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” – Leonardo da Vinci
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler” – Albert Einstein
19) Workout every day
I’ve a close friend, who turns 50 in 2025.
Over the last 4 years, we’ve done more extreme events, than the previous 40. We are both in better shape than we were in our 20s.
We both plan on living to 100.
After chatting a few times, we agreed that exercising every day would help us do that.
20) Every diet works, pick one that you can stick too
I heard this from Jerzy Gregorek the author of The Happy Body.
And he is right.
Every diet has loads of people who get results from it. Because they stick to it.
Find one that works for you, and stick to it.
For me, that’s always been the primal/paleo diet. You’ll most likely be different.
21) Diets don’t work, change your lifestyle
To contradict #20.
Change your lifestyle, not your diet.
I’m a modern-day caveman, eat a primal diet, wear barefoot-style shoes, and do a lot of walking.
And that works for me.
22) Success is on the other side of “the valley of desolation”
I first read about “The Valley of Desolation” in the book Unscripted by MJ DeMarco.
Chris Williamson and Alex Hormozi came up with the concept of the lonely chapter. Which is a similar thing.
Looking at this from a business perspective. You may get initial signals that something will work.
Then nothing
For years.
Like walking through a lonely desert.
23) Your parents aren’t to blame
I’ve never tried to blame my parents for the results I’ve got in my adult life.
And I worked with a men’s coach for 12 weeks in 2022.
In one session we discussed my parents. I wasn’t blaming them. But I was trying to self-reflect and explain away why I wasn’t getting results.
And that’s fine, but don’t blame them for a single thing. Or use them as an excuse, like I tried to.
99% of parents do the best they can, given the resources, knowledge and life experience they have.
As an adult, you’ve got your view of the world, and your own life experiences.
Now that you’re expanding your mind and have an awareness of yourself.
It’s all on you. Stop blaming those who love you the most.
24) Take 100% responsibility for your life
Ties in with #23. #1 as well.
It’s all on you. Take responsibility.
Here’s a story about a guy called Billy Monger. He had both his legs amputated and took full responsibility for what happened.
What a guy!
25) Ideas are loaned to us
I heard this on a podcast by Russell Brunson.
That if you have an idea, either fail with it or never got it off the ground
Then, if you see someone who has had huge success with the same idea. It’s because we get loaned ideas to see if we can do something with it.
If we can’t. Then it’s loaned to someone else. To see what they can do with it.
So don’t worry if an idea doesn’t work. Or that someone crushed it with the idea.
Another is on its way.
26) You do you
My wife said this to me once. And it stuck.
I’ve even put a post on X/Twitter about advice that contradicts itself
You see success and you think you need to do the same.
You don’t.
For me, I could try to be on all these social media platforms. Because others are crushing it.
But I want to get more readers for my blog, post on X/Twitter, and grow my YouTube channel.
The rest is noise.
27) “When you find yourself on the side of the majority question it”
A quote from Mark Twain.
If you’re doing whatever everyone else is, expect the same results.
28) Find the one big domino and push it over
This is another idea from Tim Ferriss.
No matter what you’re attempting. What is the one big domino you can knock over? That knocks the rest over too. Or makes them redundant.
Easier said than done, but it helps you to try and figure this out.
29) “Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own”
Another quote from Bruce Lee
He was a wise man for someone so young.
30) “If you’re going through hell, keep going”
This is a quote from Winston Churchill.
The moral?
Don’t quit!
31) Worrying is pointless
“If a problem is fixable if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
This is a phrase from the 14th Dalai Lama.
In other words. No matter what is going on. 99% of the time there’s no need to worry.
32) Labels given to us can be taken off
Society, people will label you.
You put labels on yourself.
The thing is with these labels. They are like sticky labels you get a networking event to write your name on. You can take them on and off.
I’ve written an entire blog post about labels given to us and the ones we give ourselves.
33) People will use negativity to control you
An example from my own life is I get called stubborn a lot. Is that because I know what I want?
That I get called negative things. Because I’m backing myself and not doing, or acting how another person wants me to.
It’s thought that negative “traits” are a bad thing. But not if you are doing you, see #26
34) Common knowledge = the sheep pen
If something is common knowledge, is that a good thing?
If you do what everyone else does, the average. You get average results.
Plus, in the Western world. More people are overweight, divorced, and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They’d also struggle to get 1K in cash together in an emergency.
If this is the norm.
Then I ask the question.
Do you want to be common? By following common knowledge?
35) Regrets aren’t a bad thing
I regret a lot of things I’ve done. Wish I hadn’t done them.
But these are vital lessons.
Regrets live in the pit of your stomach to remind you not to make the same mistake again.
36) Money and becoming rich isn’t a bad thing, it’s the opposite
I could write an entire blog post about money phrases.
But chasing money isn’t a bad thing. If you’re a man, chasing it might be a good thing.
Something Dan Koe has talked about.
We don’t need to hunt for our food anymore, for survival. But we need money to survive, so is that the modern-day form of hunting? Of surviving?
37) Winning is doing what you say you’d do while having earplugs in
This is something I’ve thought about a lot recently.
And it plays into other things I’ve learned.
But is winning, coming up with a plan. Sticking to said plan as much as you can. Tweaking it as needed from feedback YOU get. And not listening to what others tell you to do, or the advice you’ll get.
For me, I listened to all the advice about one of my SaaS products And it still wasn’t a success. So I have gone back to the original vision I had for it.
I’ve detailed this in a blog post too: Pivot To A New Audience But Also Remove Features
38) Motivation and inspiration are bullshit
What happens is you see someone become successful with something. And you become inspired.
This inspiration then creeps up behind you. It whispers in your ear, saying that you’re now motivated to attempt that thing.
But it lies to you. Lies to you about having all this motivation.
Motivation is a finite resource.
And if it lasts more than a day or two, you’re lucky.
You can’t plan around it, or rely on it.
39) Discipline and consistency are the way forward
From what I’ve learned with #38
If you can’t rely on inspiration and motivation, then how do you achieve something?
Develop discipline and consistency.
Also, it links back to #37 too.
Come up with a plan. One that you can develop consistency with. Then discipline yourself to stick to the plan.
40) If you wouldn’t trade places with someone for an hour, why do you care what they say?
I’ve lost count of the advice I’ve got, about all sorts of things.
And I’ve acted on lots of advice.
From my own life. I’ve cared too much about what people say, and what they think.
I’ve given up alcohol for long periods many times (in the middle of another break as I write this).
I worried about people’s reaction to me doing this. And what that means for my life.
But if you wouldn’t trade places with them.
Then whatever they say or think, it doesn’t matter.
This has also helped me become more excited about my own life.
41) The best remedy is to look at what cavemen did
I’ve written a post about living a barefoot lifestyle which relates to this.
We turn too much to processed food, and medication, and have become too comfortable.
But for hundreds of thousands of years, we didn’t have access to all these things.
And we survived.
So what can we learn from that way of existing?
42) Mindless scrolling isn’t bad, it’s the mindless comparison that is
OK, mindless scrolling is a bad thing, if it stops you from doing other things.
But what I’ve found worse with social media. Is that you can play the comparison game.
His abs, her tits, their car, that house.
These platforms will serve content for the rest of your life. A never-ending stream of people to compare yourself to.
But you only see 99.99% of someone’s life.
The parts they want you to see.
And comparing yourself to these snapshots is pointless.
43) Passive income is bullshit
There is no such thing as true passive income.
All income requires effort.
Some people can leverage this effort to make a shit ton of money, billions even.
But none of it is passive.
44) In 3 generations, you’ll be forgotten
I’ve heard this a lot recently. From a lot of different sources and people too.
Unless you become famous, in a way that you’ll be talked about for thousands of years.
Then no one is going to remember you.
Do you know the names of your great-grandparents? I don’t.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s also freeing. Whatever is stopping you from doing something? Or how much you care about someone’s opinion. What’s the best thing to do for someone else, not yourself?
Well, it’s all for nothing in 100 years, because it will be gone and mean nothing.
So stop stressing.
Conclusion: Lessons From My 44 Years
There you have it. 44 things I’ve learned in my 44 years alive.
You’ll notice a common theme with a lot of my learnings.
And a lot has come since I turned 40. Which is 10+ years into a journey I started way back at the start of 2011 when I was 30.
If you find even one useful it can help you, even in the tiniest way possible.
Then, I’ll be happy.
If you have, let me know on X/Twitter or LinkedIn.
Recommended Reading
- Anything you want – Derek Sivers
- How To Live – Derek Sivers
- 103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known – Kevin Kelly
- 99 Additional Bits of Unsolicited Advice – Kevin Kelly
- 68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice – Kevin Kelly
